helgarama: Popsok prompts

Well - what a lovely bank holiday weekend we're having! It's sunny, heathrow is quiet (for some reason I can't understand!) and I'm still in my dressing gown (the sure sign of a non-productive day to follow!).

I promised Gary that I would respond to his most helpful and motivating jumping-off points, which he provided on his rather smashing website, 'Popsok'.

I know my 'Apathy' post was a bit heavy - and possibly a tad worthy ;). Just to reassure I am aiming to mix things up and blog about the light and dark of life, so anyone currently reaching for their old school tie or handy dressing gown cord (not sure where mine is!): please think of the children and put it down. You are in optimistic and safe hands here.

So, first up: Is Helen a suitable name for someone under 6ft tall? Maybe Gary wishes to live in a world of giant Helens - the tops of their ears tickling the clouds. I aim to present my research to him and leave him a quivering under 6ft himself wreck ;) But for now, an open-mind is necessary - maybe he's right, maybe he's just as insane as I am. We will see.

I tried a google search, for helens+under 6ft, to see just how many others half-pints have this, 'unsuitable' as Gary would have it, name. The search revealed some interesting information...

First up we have Helen from Sunderland. As you can see, she's attractive and seems normal, if a bit vain ("Please rate my hundreds of pics!"). BUT WAIT. She is 5'9". Taller than me (I'm 5'3&1/2" - although Katty had me convinced for ages that I was 5'0"), but far from 6ft. So, normal (well she's from Sunderland so I'm being generous here: j/k!!), attractive and seemingly her name to height ratio has not held her back... hang on... On closer inspection she states that she is 'tall'. Hmmm. Not by Gary's strict name-based standards she ain't. She also informs us that 2006 was blighted by a violent individual being in her life.. Now, whether this violence stemmed from her name to height ratio, she doesn't say and I wouldn't wish to presume. So on balance:

Gary: 0 Helen: 1

Next we have ‘Helen’ from the UK who is commenting on the Catwalk Queen website –

I'm 5ft 3" abouts. I weigh 6 stone 8lbs at the moment... which is about 92lbs? I have recently lost 6lbs (this week). I have been measured as a 30B/C but I am sure I have extremely small, if any, boobs. But I actually like having a small chest as I generally go for other women with small chests (bisexual/possible lesbian).
People say I'm skinny with no curves but as my waist is 21 inches and my hips are 30 inches it is obvious I do. My waist and hips are probably my most favourable asset.
I am entirely happy with my body but I wish they made better fitting clothes. I struggle to find small enough sizes and things that are meant to be tight around the legs generally aren't. Some UK size 6s can struggle to fasten around my hips (mainly because they are quite large for my frame). But I have tried pants on in Gap supposedly size 0 which were rather large.

Posted by: Helen | February 7, 2007 11:36 PM

Size zero? Rather large? Sorry to get distracted but as you may know, I’m currently trying to get healthy and lose weight. BUT MY GOD! Don’t tell me that being that light is average or “normal” for my height otherwise I might as well go and raid a Krispy Kreme right now (are they open today?). Maybe she’s naturally skinny but if you are still trying to lose weight at that size (23 inches is a size zero isn’t it?)…!! Let me check this.

http://www.food.gov.uk/multimedia/bigimages/weightheight.jpg

As I thought: I’m somewhat overweight for my height (and name?!), but ‘Helen’ is on her way to being dangerously underweight. Maybe if we ran at each other really hard we could cause a cosmic event that would create the Perfect Helen ™. Oh, wait I was forgetting she’s my height…

On reflection she just doesn’t seem very balanced and maybe this is to do with name to height ratio. ‘Helen’ might not suit her: short on height, short on sanity. WE JUST DON’T KNOW. Notice I haven’t mentioned anything about boobs, mine or hers – this isn’t that kind of blog, ok?! But for the sake of my own personal body image…

Gary: 1 Helen: 1

Now for a ‘Helen’ after my own heart, on taibros.com

· its sooo much better to be short…or at least i’m trying to make myself believe that….:cool::cool::razz::razz:

Comment by helen — 8/30/06 @ 9:42 am

Razz razz? Gotta be an American ;) If only we knew how short this ‘Helen’ was. I mean, to her, 6’4” could be tall – she still might be 6’0”. On the other hand, she could be me. I mean, she isn’t. Honest. But she could be! Although I’m not sure how great it is to be short when you are; at a gig, stuck behind a ‘hey big hair boom boom’; trying to delegate when you have to risk whiplash to do so or attempting to steal back some oxygen on a packed tube full of (relative) giants. Most of them probably not called ‘Helen’, eh Gary? Tut.

Anyway. I have to face the fact that she’s trying to make herself believe it, but she can’t quite fight against the unsuitability of her name. DAMN!

Gary: 2 Helen: 1

Surely celebs would be more of help to me? I decided to turn to the ever reliable Helen Mirren. She’s played the Queen so she can’t be that tall.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000545/bio

I was right! 5’4” and it’s never hindered her! And she was born in Chiswick (Home of Ant and Dec tm)… Let’s read on.

Oh bugger.

Birth Name: Illiana Lydia Vasilievna Mironova

She’s a fraud! How do you get ‘Helen’ from that? She should be called Illien Mirren at best! Or Lydia Mirren. Humph. Like to see how far she would have got with either of those names. How dare she try to dupe me like that? A ‘Helen’ who has appears to have positively risen above (sorry) her name to height suitability ratio, only to be revealed as a pathetic name-nicker. Sad. Very sad.

Gary: 3 Helen: 1

Wait a second (ignore Katty who is insisting that this is wayyyy too long: button it bungle).

I’ve got it. Gary, prepare to be a wreck!

http://www.celebheights.com/s/H.html

*Evil laugh*

Ok, so you have to do page searches but the info is there (and yes I am still in my dressing gown, don’t ask what the time is.)

Helen Hayes: 5ft – she was in ‘One of our dinosaurs is missing’ and loads of films, you know. Helen Hayes. Ahem. Being a short-arse suited her!

Helen Blaxendale : 5’5” – Cold Feet, Friends…. And… stuff. Half-pint Helen ruled!

Helen(a) Bonham-Carter: 5’2”- It’s the same name, ok! And yes, she’s as mad as a box of frogs (and possibly uses her hair to gain a few extra inches) but nonetheless – ‘Helen’ worked for her!

Helen Hunt: 5’7” – Twister, As good as it gets (it was, as far as her career anyway but Oscar though, come on!), and any other films where they needed a pointy-faced, world-weary, wise-cracker etc. No denying she made it big and all with the burden of the too tall name, ‘Helen’. If’s enough to bring a little tear to your eyes.

Last and most conclusively:

Helen(a) Christensen: 5’9”&3/4 – Quite short for a model, I suppose… But a model she was/is. And her name DID NOT HOLD HER BACK. In fact, some would say it suited her frame beautifully...