Romavision

Well, got back from Rome Friday morning had a fantastic time but already seems ages ago!

Reality hit pretty quickly with more problems at home including our fridge which stopped working while we were away... nice.

Anyway, things I learnt in Romavision:

Don't read out text messages before you have scanned them, you might offend your one-eyed taxi driver.

When purchasing novelty marble items (such as fake cigarettes) watch your step leaving the shop - or at least take your sunnies off!

Make sure you follow the Mr. Chris Complaints Procedure (tm) in restaurants and other establishments - it works! It never hurts to add a patronising watch-tap and fake accent too: 15 euros off and 4 free chinese fans = result

You are not likely to visit anywhere else with so much graffti and so many nuns. Coincidence? I think not.

If the Pope tells you he is going to come by at 10.30am, don't believe him. Dirty stop-out.

There a various ways of handling the language barrier, one is whispering Italian phrases so only those with super-hearing can understand and apologising continuiously. Another is speaking English but slower and louder than normal, maybe adding a grazie if seriously pressed.

Italian gelato should be illegal (like Willy Wonka's factory but better!)

Roman housewives have great heads for heights and can balance in their socks!

Speaking Italian can make you instantly more aggressive, which is a good thing when you are on monkey-watch.

French Nigerians are particularly friendly and are prone to giving out phone numbers of English-loving sisters.

Sounding American and sounding like you come from Leeds can be easily confused.